1999

Dear Friends and Family,

My, how this year has flown. As you have probably guessed, this is the annual Christmas letter.

This year has been exciting and challenging for the whole family. In April, Paul died and was risen, to dispel all those Anti-Christ rumors. We think the rumors were started by jealous, evil computer hackers, as Paul was adopted by Bill Gates later in the summer. You may also remember Paul’s bout with meningitis this autumn. We figure that was caused by his brain being used too much, so he will be trying to think less next year. Shouldn’t be too much of a stretch.

Hayley has informed me that she spent several weeks this year as a tiger. She was seen in Africa on safari. She also has been taking ballet lessons, and will be starring in a performance of the Nutcracker with the Russian ballet. She has been offered numerous opportunities for television specials, but she thinks that would be crass. Now she has told me that she plans on becoming a shark in the near future.

Sweet, adorable Jeremy finally learned to speak a few words, and is making a good living at speech writing for Al Gore (explains a lot, doesn’t it?) His genius is tempered by, well, his temper, which rivals his sisters. He is training for a spot on the Professional Wrestling circuit, and can already pin toddlers twice his size.

Mollie graduated from medical school, law school, business school, and the Naval Academy this year. After pursuing several career options in these fields, she has elected to become a hermit. Leave me alone.

We hope this letter finds you all happy and healthy. Have a wonderful Christmas, and an especially happy New Millenium (whenever you believe it REALLY starts).

Love, the Coffeys
Paul, Mollie, Hayley, and Jeremy