2004

Dear Friends, Foes and Family who don’t fall into the aforementioned categories –

Wouldn’t you know it? The asylum releases us for the holidays and an evil artificial intelligence has taken over our computer! We finally wrested control back, and that’s why the annual Coffey Holiday Letter was delayed this year. At least we got it out while it still is this year!

This May Paul broke off his 16-year affair, sending his ponytail to live far away. The now-bald Paul had further troubles this fall when The Incredibles came out, detailing how a bald man with a goatee and his large buddy (sounds like Paul & Tom) would go out on Wednesday nights (still sounds like them) and play superhero (definitely them!). In an attempt to re-establish his secret identity Paul has grown back hair and actually stayed home a few Wednesdays. Any resemblance between him and any superheroes is purely coincidental.

On the other end of the spectrum, Jeremy spent his year as a supervillian-in-training. He was kicked out of five different Ivy League schools for hijacking their mainframes in his attempt to take over the world. We pulled him out of college and sent him to first grade at All Saints in the hopes that the residual spirits of the nuns will guide him to the light. Any resemblance between him and any rulers is purely coincidental.

Mollie has taken to making sculptures from the hair found in the bathtub drain to relieve her stress. With the loss of Paul’s tresses she has now added belly-button lint and toenail clippings to her building supplies. As Mollie is continually in a state of stress she has completed a full-scale model of Gone With the Wind, including all sets and costume changes. She is currently planning her next sculpture, possibly the entire Harry Potter series. Any resemblance between her and Cleopatra, Queen of Denial is purely coincidental.

Hayley spends all of her free time in England, running headlong into the barriers between platforms 9 & 10 at any train station she can find. She insists she did make it on the Hogwarts Express once, actually arriving at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and meeting the love of her life, Harry Potter (who does actually look just like Daniel Radcliffe). However, she has hit so many walls that she can’t remember which station she actually found Platform 9 3/4 at. Any resemblance between her and a lunatic football player is purely coincidental.

Hope you have a Happy Holiday season and a wondrous New Year!